#im having an astronomically bad day and im over it!!!!

[redwhitebuddie]

im having such a bad day, and the only thing keeping me going is 911 tonight

.

….

yes im depressed thank you for asking

[boxwinebaddie]

heeeeello party people!~ super bacteria uncle nina here using my silly tumblr to cope again ( my culture came back and it was...suuuuper fucking bad! like i knew it would be, lol! awesome! <3 thanks, god! )

but we're not thinking about, what were gonna think about is the time that ravenstan got a little Too tipsy topsy turvy on jerseyky boxwine,

( it's the cab sav one, fyi. i can't drink on all these Fucknut Antibiotics - they prescribed me the wrong one and i took it, if you can believe it; i luv doctors - can y'all believe i did this shit Sober? unREAL, brohs! )

and was on tiktok live, the dawn spawns of the world convinced him to do the 'White Boy Of The Month' filter bc he's too impressionable and what can i say;

The Man LOVES White Boys. ;) xxx

( helpsksdj )

so, he started doing it and was like 'nooooo, is /KYLE/ on this one?!?! You're Joking.' ( everyone said 'JK <3' because they all think they're jimmy valmer stand-up sit-down comedians, smh...but no, naught joking, Actually JK bc in my ncau-niverse, cd and the blondies gang are celebrities, so naturally they’re on A Lot of social filters )

so he was GOING to save The No.1 slot...for the no.1 slut ( if you will, ) my ginger gringo king, ceo of dark academic debauchery and bottom feeding ;), new jay's finest - literally - kyley b matthew broflovski; <33 ( buuuut! he's a reformed manhoe; so watchya mowtH! )

buuuuut x2 ( and i'd say it's a big butt, but it's not, it's ravenstan, so it's flatter than the sidewalk; luh you flat stanley ) Gaydhd Won Again and tipsy ravenstan got distracted by all the FINE ASS WHITE MEN and started getting philosophical about it ( that man put a lil too much #thot into those placings; he was born for it, soz )

had about two spots left ( the top and bottom spots; i am laughing ) figured that there was almost 'No Chance!' he would get jersey...

PUT /MATTHEW! GRAY! GUBLER!/ AT ONE ( Immaculate Taste, btw! he also put jacob elordi at number two because he is a fucking genius and that...really tells you Everything you need to know about my stan. like tall, could probably be a runway model, intellectual, kind of a jackass, stays fitted, accent or eccentric manner of speaking...yeah )

-- BUT HE WANTED TO BE CLEAR, HE HAD TO SPECIFY THAT HE WAS SPECIFICALLY REFERRING TO /DR. SPENCER REID/ OF CRIMINAL MINDS. WHEN I TELL YOU HE HAS NO IDEA WHO MGG IS BUT HE HAS SEEN EVERY EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS SEVERAL TIMES. IT’S LIKE...HIS /FAVORITE/ FKN SHOW. AND HE DOES HAVE A FAT CRUSH ON REID. YES, I DOES TRACK; I KNOW. )

and RIGHT when he was rolling for the very last spot ranking on the filter ( that's the BOTTOM, i repeat, THE B/O/T/T/O/M of the tierlist )

...hE GOT KYLE

FUCKING

BROFLOVSKI

and had to place him at /TEN/.

-- riiiiiiight as Kyle /FUCKING/ Broflovski came out of the kitchen in the dorky ass star of david apron that sheila got him for hannukah, with his hair up and everything, holding a fork so stan could taste...

...T-THE PASTA HE JUST MADE HIM FOR DINNER BECAUSE HE'S A SWEET BEAUTIFUL /ANGEL/....and i'm talking The Very First Bite Of EXTREMELY DELICIOUS KYLE Pasta that he put ZUCCHINI IN JUST FOR STAN BECAUSE HE IS ( what? ) AN ANGEL!! FROM hEAVEN!!!!! AND THE WHITE BOY OF THE /YEAR/: TAKE YA JERSEY SLANDER SOMEWHERE ELSE: HE'S MY WHITE BUOY UVF FOREVA!

...proceeded to Blow On It ;-;, s-so stan wouldn't burn his mouth... ( bc rav always gets too excited and burns his mouth; nooo :c </3 ) and asked him why his phone was blowing up w/ people tagging him in thirst traps of 'That Supa Nerdy Guy From That One Crime Show' and asking him if stan tweeted something about him cooking bc people keep telling him that he's 'Cooked'. SHKDLDHLKS HEEELP.

And....

*rawr xd home mid/hschooled ravenstan vc*

Scene. <3

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/739562902099492864/the-panic-attack-please-im-cackling-jdjdjdj-it

also he would feel so bad😭😭 the fetishise ask thing got me thinking. imagine she lies or pretends she’s not a virgin at first just bc guys are super weird when they find out ab it, so she does that just as a protection thing/to get weird guys off her back. so Peter doesn’t know & imagine they’re making out or whatever but he’s super quick with it and suddenly there’s a dick in front of her and she starts panicking JAHAHAHAAHA

I csnt stop laughing picturing this. he’d be so confused but so worried HABABA

*cleaning out my inbox* an: this is not our trouble/reader. this is an au with our peter!

you got a little too far into it. in your defense, your friends told you instinct would take over and you’d just fall into it and you’d do anything when you’re horny and in the moment.

but right now, in this moment, you’re panicking because someone other than you is taking your shirt off, and someone other than you is touching your breasts.

you got this, you can handle this. you’ve made it this close, what’s a little closer? you could finally get it over with, and with a guy that’s astronomically hot. god was giving you a chance and you weren’t about to fuck it up.

you can handle being tossed to the bed, you can handle warm palms cupping your ass, you can handle a brush of his core into yours. you can handle peter taking off his pants, you can handle peter… peter… he’s-

peter’s got a big dick, and it’s coming right at your virgin body, and you can’t handle this. how are you supposed to lie your way out of this? or was it into this?

it doesn’t matter, he’s going to know the second he tries to put it in. fuck, is he going to put it in? yes, that’s how sex works- okay, fuck, shut up!

peter’s got a gleam in his eye, how fucked were you about to make things? you’re the one that came onto him and now you’re freaking out because there’s a real deal penis and real deal sex situation happening and you have no idea what to do.

‘that’s a penis.’ your hands clasp over your mouth, it was the least sexiest thing you could say and it shows on peter’s face.

‘i’ve…’ you swallow hard and feel everything in you ignite, you’re praying to any god listening he just takes you out of your misery right then and there. isn’t premarital sex a sin? you should be burnt at the stake.

‘i’ve never seen one before.’

‘oh, jesus christ.’ a shuffle, it’s out of your sight and you can’t begin to explain the relief. you stare down at your hands, if you didn’t have to walk by peter, you’d be out of his room in a second.

you peek up at a flash in the corner of your eye, your shirt was outstretched and pushed into your hold. ‘if you can’t see mine, i can’t see yours.’ your chest doesn’t feel as tight, he’s not mad, just a little thrown off.

‘i’m sorry.’ you’re still shy when you meet his eyes, even if you’re fully clothed. ‘but like, i didn’t tell you i wasn’t a virgin.’

peter crosses his arms over his chest. ‘and you didn’t tell me you were until it got too real.’ he’s right, your shoulders slump, isn’t it just embarrassing? not even the lying, just the fact you’re in college and you’re still a virgin.

‘i just thought it could get it out of the way, i don’t know.’

peter scoffs, ‘well, you don’t do it like this.’

does that mean he’s off the table, did you shoot too high? ‘so, you don’t have sex with virgins?’

‘it’s not in my day to day schedule, no.’

‘you’ve never taken a girls virginity?’

‘did i say that?’

‘no.’ it’s unsettled emotion, it’s the only reason you huff and cross your arms at him. yes, make this his fault.

‘i thought you’d be the perfect candidate, but i guess not. i didn’t know frat boys actually cared this much.’ if peter wasn’t going to kick you out before, he would now. you offended him.

‘the fuck? sex is a whole different ball game when you’re a virgin. you don’t know that yet, i do. it’s my job to make sure you’re comfortable and have a good time, that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t tell me.’

you started something, he wasn’t stopping.

‘i’m not saying there aren’t guys like that out there-that’ll do what you want, but it’s not me. if you want to get it over with like that, fine. but i’m not doing it in one night.’

you naw on your bottom lip, if you got this far what’s one more question? ‘so, would you?’

‘would i what?’ you chew harsher, it was easier to just pretend you weren’t a virgin. you shouldn’t never stopped him. ‘take my virginity.’ you spit the words, before he could try to repeat himself, ‘i mean, at your speed or whatever.’

peter has a series of emotions run through his mind, they all tell him it’s a bad idea. the heightened emotions, the awkwardness, the whole hurt thing, he just never really thought he’d have to go through it again.

‘you don’t know me.’ it should be more than enough, but you counteract him. ‘i know. that’s kind of why i chose you.’

a deep inhale, ‘you baited me? was this your plan?’ you try to clear the idea with your hands. ‘no, no, no! the plan was to not tell you but then i got scared. but since you already know… you know?’

‘no.’

you drop your head into your hands, everything is getting worse. you should’ve went through with it. ‘everything is awful and i want to die. i’m so sorry, peter. we can just forget this ever happened and if you see me around campus, no you don’t.’

you try to paint yourself invisible, instead you get a half earnest sigh from peter. ‘alright, look, you’re fine. it’s fine. you’re actually… strides ahead than i was when i was a virgin, okay?’

of course he says that, he’s already been through it. ‘but im too old to be a virgin!’

‘pft, what? no. have you seen 40 year old virgin?’ you cry out into your hands, ‘im not steve carell!’ you really had to pick a man? was that really the only option you had?

‘be honest with me, the pathetic virgin-‘

‘stop.’

‘- if i do this with another guy will he know?’ you hold on tight for the answer, it’s not long, it’s immediate. ‘yes.’ you’re not sure if he’s just saying that so you don’t throw off another guy.

‘no, seriously. would he-‘

‘yes.’ you exhale a ‘fuck.’ game over, if you really wanted this, you’d actually have to find someone to date you. that sounds like actual hell.

since you’re already in the pits, ‘peter?’ a hum, you finally blink up at him. ‘are you sure you won’t do it?’ you watch him take a solid breath, his next words chosen articulately.

‘when did i say i wouldn’t?’

you explode in a smile, you were right, you chose the right person. ‘you will? like, you’re gonna make me not a virgin?’

peter thinks- no, knows it’s a bad idea, but you’re going to do it regardless and he knows he’s better than a majority of guys on campus. he’d actually make sure you’re safe and comfortable. was he really about to do all the first steps with someone he didn’t know?

yeah. he was.

‘yes. i’ll take your virginity.’

[thesparklingwriter]

a gift from a dragon

"Was I ever going to be told about this, or was I supposed to accidentally discover it myself?"

tags: pet names, fem!reader, established relationship, reader is preganant, dragon!zhongli doing dragon!zhongli things because im a simp, nesting, tooth rottingly fluffy

ao3 link | taglist | masterlist | next

hello everyone ^^ this segment of the zhongli flufftober that is now just 31 fluffshots is inspired by this ask! i recommend checking it out so you know what the original context was :) i had so much fun writing this, i was literally kicking my feet and giggling like an imbecile... anyway I've been told by a couple of betas on some other works that i may have a slight over reliance on dialogue so I've been working on setting the scene a bit more through description, please tell me if this slays or not.

i am down so astronomically bad for family man zhongli be still my beating heart and ovaries cause wtaf

Zhongli's favourite part of the day is easily six pm when he can hurry home from the funeral parlor to see you. But over the few weeks, he's been becoming more on edge as the clock tends to the end of his work day. He's never particularly enjoyed being away from you for long, granted, but he always wants to be at home now.

On his way home, he passes through the market stalls and finds himself drawn to a couple of stands, musing over how the wares would suit your home perfectly. Before he knows it, he's bought a ridiculous amount of goods and is staggering under the weight of it as he returns home to you. He'd only meant to buy the vase, but then he'd been drawn to some woolen blankets and pillowcases with golden threads, and how could he ignore his instincts when they were calling out to him so loudly?

"You're finally home," you smile when he comes through the front door. You dare not ask about the ridiculous amount of things he's been buying recently–when you do, he looks at you with confusion, as if you're supposed to know what he's doing. You don't. At all. When it comes to Zhongli and his instincts, you've learned to ride the wave and accept whatever you're told.

Zhongli lowers his head to kiss you, manoeuvering his pile of goodies out of your way. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm great. How are you?" You shoot back snarkily. You know that's not what he's asking—he's asking about whether the baby's been good today or whether you've done anything particularly exciting with the sudden excess of time you've been granted since taking maternity leave.

"I'm well, thanks," he replies, chuckling at your evasion of his question. You do this almost every day, withholding the details of your day from him until he sits down and gives you his full attention—something he can't do while carrying a whole mound of knitted goods.

"I'll tell you more after you put that away. Where are you stashing all that stuff anyway?" You ask, and Zhognli shrugs.

"Places." he smiles, heading upstairs. The aforementioned place is your room—not that you spend much time in it. In fact, Zhongli's been in your old room more often in the past three months than you have since you moved in. As your pregnancy progresses, you seek him out more than usual, desperate for his comfort. And so, his room has become a shared room. Not that he particularly minds.

When he returns downstairs, he lies down, resting his head in your lap, and you tell him everything you've done today, absent-mindedly braiding his hair as you talk. He likes being close to your stomach, even though you're barely showing, and listens attentively, asking questions about your adventures. Nine times out of ten, you both fall asleep like this, and you awake in the morning in your bed. But today, you wake up before Zhongli does, having napped earlier in the day, and carefully slip away from him, slipping a pillow under his head where you once had been.

The sheer amount of knitted things Zhongli brought today has made you want to revive your old hobby of crocheting in the hopes you might be able to make something for the baby. If you remember correctly, the last time you crocheted anything was when you still used your room for its intended purpose—and not as a walk-in wardrobe. And so, you march yourself to your room, ready to check under the bed for your trunk of supplies.

Or rather, you would be if Zhongli hadn't replaced your bed with what feels like thousands of pillows and blankets.

Oh, Li, you think, wrapping a blanket with golden threads around your shoulders.

Sometimes, it's easy to forget that the man wasn't always human—that even though his body is that of a man's, his mind and soul aren't, and that sometimes old instincts kick in. Was he embarrassed? Was he worried that you'd think he's weird?

You walk towards the large pile of comforters out of curiosity. If he put this much work into it, you might as well test if it's any good, right? You sink into the blankets, curling up with one of the pillows in your hands. It feels like every part of your body is being hugged by him and you can swear the blankets smell like him. Before you know it, you've fallen asleep, a golden pillow clutched close to your chest.

When Zhongli wakes up and finds you replaced by a pillow but the house silent, he's slightly concerned. Have you injured yourself while he's been sleeping? It can't be. He would have woken up. And so he decides to search for you. Just to make sure you're alright. He can't be too careful. But you're not in his bed, and you're not in the bathroom, the study, or the small makeshift library he'd put together for you.

The final place to look is your old room, but you'd had no reason to go in there before, so why would you go now all of a sudden? But of course, that's where he finds you, curled up in the middle of the sorry attempt of a nest he'd put together to try and curb his urges. He wishes he'd had enough time to finalise his preparations, but seeing you sleep so happily makes his heart swell. He sits on the floor beside the bed, carefully taking your hand in his as you stir, resting your hand on your stomach as you sit up.

"Good evening," he smiles, and you stare at him blankly as if you don't understand, a sign you've slept well. "Are you alright?"

You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into bed with you. When you've finally woken up enough to talk, you look up at him and ask: "Was I ever going to be told about this, or was I supposed to accidentally discover it myself?"

"I had intended it to be a gift for you and the baby when you were further along, but I have no objections to you getting an early present." His smile is excited and bright as he pulls you closer to him, suddenly overcome with the feeling that you can never be close enough.

"This is not what I expected when I found out dragons nest." You smile against his chest.

"Well, I can't exactly bring you feathers, can I? You'd slaughter me the minute I step over the threshold, so this will have to do."

"I can think of worse places to sleep," you smile, kissing him lightly. "Thank you. I love it."

© 2023, thesparklingwriter. please do not copy, edit, repost, or translate.

taglist: @ainescribe @thelonelyarchon

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[dirtsoilmulch]

long rambly post abt how i think bede and hop's relationship is because holy shit im the only person correct ever:

(asterisk this is only kind of sort of a ship analysis because i dont ship them in a normal way i ship them in a cool secret 3rd thing way)

during the plot, they dont Like each other. at all. like not even a little bit. even before bede was actively being a dick, hop got bad vibes from him anyway (half because of how he spoke to victor/gloria, half because hop's ego was the size of the sun in earlygame). and on bede's end, hop is a roadblock. just another competitor that he has to face off against. so why would he care? he's got one goal (to please chairman rose) and thats all he plans to do.

when the bede/hop battle plotpoint comes into play, its less of a pokemon battle and more of a fight. somewhere in one of the wild areas, kind of discreet so neither get into serious trouble over it. i always refer to this part of the game "the time when bede tells hop to kill himself" because thats what i feel is implied. bede calls him worthless, he calls him a terrible trainer, a stain on leon's reputation. things that dig deep, that fuck hop up astronomically. but i think its just because bede can see a lot of what he is in hop. they both had a goal. they both had someone who they needed to prove themselves to (leon or chairman rose). they gave it everything and more, sacrificed time and money and years to accomplish the one thing they couldnt ever do. i dont think hop can see the parallels they have yet. hes too in his head at this point

when bede is removed from the gym challenge, hop is a little conflicted. had he not gotten his team wiped prior, he would've been stoked about it. but he's more focused on himself now. he has bigger problems to worry about. bede is basically forgotten by him.

postgame (the playable content postgame) is a little different. i imagine it takes place a few months after the main plot does. bede has matured slightly, but he's still defensive as all hell. hop is more confused than he is upset. especially after seeing bede's success as the next fairy-type gym leader. because why him? why, after all bede has ruined and broken and messed with, did he get the chance and hop didnt? i doubt that hop ever wanted to be a gym leader (especially not fairy-type, he doesnt give that vibe). but if not a champion, he wanted to contribute somehow. its not fair to him that bede gets to and he doesnt (despite hop's lack of trying)

he's angry about it. angry enough that he breaks the radio silence between him and bede and confronts him about it. they dont battle this time (hop knew he wouldnt win anyway). it leads to an argument, though. one that leads bede to ask him why he's given up. why after all that effort, he's decided to just quit everything altogether.

following this is their second not interacting period. i imagine this is over the course of a few years. hop finally talks himself into becoming a pokemon professor. he prefers learning over copying anyway. he actually takes bede's advice, and goddamnit it actually worked.

so when research brings him and sonia to ballonlea, he finds bede again. he does his best to thank him for the wake up call. bede apologizes (though it doesnt Feel like an apology. hes so terrible at sounding genuine, even if he is) for basically psyching hop out of the championship altogether. and he tells him that had he not intervened, had that first "kys" battle never happened, that hop could've fought his own brother. maybe not a win. but he would still make it far.

hop cries over that. and with time, they're able to talk like normal people again. reminisce on the gym challenge, talk about what happened and why it happened. hop asks bede about the pokemon native to the glimwood tangle, bede asks hop about dynamaxing (and also tells the little knowledge he'd gotten from the chairman back in the day).

so do they date? no. not in a regular kind of way. my mind says it as a very casual, not set in stone or talked about qpr. they're around each other a lot, they end up caring about each other a lot. theres still that underlying pain from hop, he's learning to get over it. and there are some nights bede gets sentimental enough to apologize again.

nothing super romantical happens. they kiss like once, they hold hands occasionally. i dont think either of them are very physically affectionate. both are also asexual because i said so.

slightly more than friends. a bit less than lovers. just 2 people learning to work with the cards they were delt. 2 people who failed and support each other as they pick up the pieces.

huzzah.

[zith-ipeth]

//TW I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT WEIGHT AND FOOD// What does it take? / Three years ago, today

I hate the front pages of social media

every other post is someone running away from a body I want, I see my before in their after and my after in their before. I see a girl in the mirror eating half a meal a day because "maybe I have a figure somewhere under all this skin and muscle and fat" I see a girl in my room, by my bed, by my mirror, looking at herself and saying

"I'm lucky to have a body like this, cis girls want this, I should want this"

I want to be fat... fuck that sounds stupid. would it sound stupid if someone a bit above my size said they wanted to be skinny? No you would say "Great good job get it girl" or whatever. but why is what I want not normal not healthy not ok. is it not ok because I'm at a "healthy weight"? while what if I was at that same healthy weight and said I wanted to be, say, 130 pounds. that would be an admirable, amazing, great goal. but saying that I want to be around 190 pounds, that's...

weird

maybe it's a fetish?

but you're healthy now dear...

I use to not be healthy though

I was a girl in a mirror, half a skeleton, I'm already getting into numbers so why stop now, I was 107 and 5'10. 15.4 bmi. I was...

such a pretty girl

wow you have such a shape

kinda lean muscle...

I didn't have any of that I had a BORDERLINE EATING DISORDER.

after a lot of mental work, I decided to gain weight, I started estrogen and started eating when I was hungry until I was full. I started gaining weight and at first that was scary, stretch marks were scary, and growing out of clothes was scary, I knew I wanted a type of body in the end but the between was strange and treacherous. but somebody loved my body enough for both me, and them, and eventually, after a year or two, I learned to love it.

I gained around 60 pounds, my body's mad at me still, my stretch marks are red and sensitive to the touch. but here I am, at what is medically considered a healthy weight and...

I want to gain a little more.

I've loved my body more and more the more weight I gained, so why is it that I should just stop at an arbitrary number made up by a FUCKING ASTRONOMER AND STATISTICIAN. I love having a tummy that rolls because I never used to have that, I love my thighs touching because they used to just be skin and bone, I love the hanging fat on my arms because its something magical and new and beautiful. I love how I look nude, I love my body unbound and without its drapes and wrappings, its so pretty and fun.

Now I get it, I'm not exactly facing oppression, (NOT SAYING FATPHOBIA ISN'T OPPRESSIVE, more that, I don't experience fatphobia,) I'm straight-sized as they come, but even then, I still feel weird when I wear crop tops sometimes, I still get comments when I eat a full plate of food, I still get comments when I go for seconds and I SOMEHOW EVEN AS SMALL AS I AM SOCIETY SEEMS TO SMALL FOR ME.

So I guess that's it, I want to be fat because I view that body type positively, it's not fetishistic it's not a kink it's just a goal, like losing weight. I want to be fat because the way my body would feel, the way I would move, would dress, would live, would be better for me

I think.

And like fuck it if im wrong whatever, my body is as moldable as it will ever be, I can just go back to where I am now.

But I dont think I want to

I hate to watch people run away from what I run towards, as if its scary, as if it's gross. Equally, I find it painful to watch people run toward what I ran away from as if it's innately more beautiful, more divine

Youre beautiful, and if you want to change yourself that's beautiful too, but sometimes I feel bad for flinching over peoples individual changes and choices. its just painful to watch sometimes, I guess. Painful to look at someone and see a mirror image of how you thought, and who you were

three years ago,

today

[trickstarbrave]

i crave validation so i think i’ll keep posting this au on here in more bite sized pieces (bc some of my chapters on ao3 are. astronomically long. good lord)

more reincarnated voryn au. no i dont have a name for this au yet bc im bad at names. yes i am taking suggestions 😭

first part here

--

When Voryn opened his eyes next, he was laying on something soft. Impossibly soft in fact, softer than anything he’d laid on before in his life. He was used to bed rolls or sleeping on nothing but the hard ground in fact, so a comfortable mattress under him was a foreign feeling. 

He groaned softly as he blinked, before a golden hand began to gently wipe his forehead with a cool, damn rag. Voryn sighed softly at the relief that followed, before his eyes moved up to see it was the same stranger who picked up him. 

A warm smile graced the other man’s lips as he looked down at Voryn. 

“You’re awake.” His voice was still soft and gentle, trying hard not to scare him. “You’ve been out for around a day, but it seems like you needed your rest.” He continued to smile, his blue eyes shining brightly. 

Voryn felt his heart skip a beat. He didn’t know exactly why, but he felt like he had seen this man before. It tickled at the back of his mind like a sense of deja vu, but there was no denying the warmth flooding from his heart at the sight of his smile. 

“How are you feeling?” The golden skinned stranger asked, once again wiping his forehead after dipping the rag in the basin of cool water on the nightstand. 

“... Better.” Voryn replied, his voice still raspy. 

“Do any of your injuries still hurt?” The stranger asked. As Voryn took in the sight of him he could see his robes were rather elegant and high quality, the embroidery on them a stunning gold just like his skin. Voryn didn’t know embroidery could even be gold, yet the threads caught in the late morning sun. 

Why had such a well off man decided to help Voryn? It wasn’t like Voryn didn’t know the scorn higher class people had for people dressed like beggars like him. 

Voryn shook his head in response to his question. “They feel… Much better.” The pain had faded significantly as he laid there, comfortable and lax. 

“What’s your name?” The stranger asked, his voice still soft as he brushed some of the dry, brittle hair from Voryn’s face. Voryn turned slightly. Some people reacted badly to his name, though most didn’t equate Dagoth Ur with Voryn Dagoth whom he was named after. 

“...Voryn.” He answered softly. Regardless of if the handsome elf started yelling and kicked him out though, he was thankful to just get a nice drink of water and his injuries bandaged up. 

“Voryn, hm?” The man smiled warmly. “It’s a nice name.” He gave him a gentle pat on the head, before stroking his hair tenderly. Another flutter ran through Voryn’s heart at the tender touch, waves of familiarity washing over him. “My name is Nerevar.” 

“Nerevar…” He didn’t know why, but the name flowed off his tongue with ease, as though he had always known it. “I… Like that name.” 

He didn’t know why, but there was something in him that… Yearned for Nerevar. Like there was something deep inside him aching and aching, only now being noticed as the pain was soothed away by every gentle word from his lips and every soft touch.

Maybe it was just the fever though, making him feel this way. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to hate the pleasant feelings bubbling away inside him.

“Are you able to sit up?” Nerevar asked. “I was going to change the bandages on your back, and it’ll be a lot more comfortable for you if you can. Voryn nodded, trying to push himself up, but his arms felt weak. He groaned as he felt the lashes on his back move, the pain of his injuries now slowly returning.

“Shh…” Nerevar held his arms, firm hands still surprisingly gentle despite the strength Voryn could tell he had. “Here, let me help you up.” Nerevar gently pulled him until he was sitting upright, going slow so as to not cause him unnecessary pain.

Voryn couldn’t remember a time he was treated with such care. Even when he was younger the matron warned him to deal with the pain, as eventually through divinity he would surpass it. Yet, here was someone so kind and gentle with him. Someone who soothed the pain rather than scolding him for reacting to it. 

Nerevar unwrapped the bandages around his torso, moving behind him. He brought out a rag soaked with clean water and began gingerly cleaning the lashes on his back. He hissed in pain as the water stung sharply, but Nerevar rubbed his uninjured shoulder and gently hushed him. 

“It’s alright, I know it hurts.” How were his hands so gentle? Voryn marveled at the sensation. He was used to pain any time someone touched him, or at least discomfort. But Nerevar’s hands were so soft and tender, cleaning him gingerly and with care. “Will holding my hand help?” Nerevar asked, moving the hand on his shoulder to instead loop it around and give Voryn access to it. Voryn took it, nervous about gripping him too tightly when he was being so gentle with him.

“Just squeeze it when it hurts, alright?” Nerevar’s voice was still so soft, clearly trying hard not to scare Voryn. “I’m stronger than you might think, so don’t be afraid.”

The cloth brushed against a particularly raw injury and his grip on Nerevar’s hand tightened. He apologized quickly, before Nerevar hushed him again. 

“I told you, I’m stronger than you might think.” Nerevar gave his hand a gentle squeeze back. “Grip it as hard as you need to.” Nerevar’s thumb brushed against his hand now, attempting to soothe him. “It’ll take a lot more than that to hurt me.”

“I still don’t like the idea of hurting you.” Voryn replied. “You’re… Being so kind to me right now. How can I bear the thought?” Nerevar laughed at that, his voice light and airy, as he continued his work gently cleaning him. The sound made Voryn’s heart race.

“It’s alright, I promise.” Nerevar’s voice was so sweet to his ears, his cheeks heating up. “Do you want something else? You can bite on the blanket if it makes it more bearable.” Voryn quickly shook his head, desperate to keep his hand in Nerevar’s grasp. “This is… Fine.” He wondered if he was being ridiculous or not. He’d never wanted to hold someone else as badly as he wanted to right now. The desire was foreign and out of character for him, but he couldn’t deny it wasn’t wholly unwelcomed. 

It was quiet then, as Nerevar gingerly cleaned every injury on his back, before replacing the bandages with new ones, the only sound being soft humming from Nerevar. The tune was familiar too, gradually making his body feel heavy and his eyes droop. “Why don’t you rest up more?” Nerevar’s voice was soft and gentle as he leaned in close to Voryn, helping him lay down. 

“Wait…” Voryn still didn’t let go of the other’s hand, even as it became hard and harder to keep his eyes open. “Please… Don’t go.” Just as he didn’t know why he found the beautiful mer so familiar, he felt anxious closing his eyes, a sudden fear running through him the other would be gone if he dared close his eyes. 

In response, Nerevar gasped, gripping his hand a bit firmer.

“I won’t leave, alright?” He stroked some of the long hair from his face. “I won’t leave you, Voryn.” The hand moving his hair next came to cup his cheek, and Voryn couldn’t help but nuzzle into it, finding comfort in the calloused palm and gentle touch. 

--

He had a strange dream. Voryn didn’t really remember many of his dreams, instead having them be choked out by the strange incense the cult burned or unable to remember them after being kicked awake on the street, but this one was very… Vivid. 

Voryn was anxious in his dream. Anxious and furious, as he cast healing spell after healing spell.

Nerevar’s arm was bleeding out under his palm, part of the bone exposed, all the while Voryn bit back tears.

“What were you thinking?” Voryn hissed, his voice shaking from rage and sobs. “That was the most stupid, idiotic plan you’ve ever had! You didn’t even tell me what you were doing!” Nerevar winced as he was being scolded, the wound closing up under Voryn’s hands. 

“I’m sorry…” Nerevar apologized, unable to meet his gaze.

“Are you?!” Voryn shouted. “Are you actually sorry?!” He grit his teeth, finally finishing up the healing with no magicka in his system to spare. “If you were sorry you wouldn’t do this to me, Neht!” He was actually crying now, unable to hold back his tears. “I could have lost you, do you even care about that? About what that would do to me?!” 

Nerevar’s hands came up to cup his cheeks, bringing Voryn’s face down to his own, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I didn’t mean to make you worry.” Nerevar continued apologizing, stroking the tears from his skin. “I won’t do anything that risky again.” Voryn grit his teeth again.

“Yes you will.” He held Nerevar’s face too, glaring at him. It was dark in the tent they were in, rain pelting down on it. “You’re reckless, idiotic, arrogant…” Nerevar’s lips smothered the rest of his words with a kiss, warm and passionate.  As much as Voryn wanted to keep scolding him, he didn’t have it in him. He was so very weak to Nerevar’s kisses, his warm mouth desperate for Voryn and only Voryn. He wrapped his arms around Nerevar firmly, kissing back roughly as he pulled Nerevar into his lap. 

When Voryn opened his eyes, he was dazed and confused. 

The dream didn’t feel like a dream should. He felt like he was there, the phantom feeling of Nerevar’s lips on his own. He could still feel the blood on his hands and when he reached up to his face there were tears on his cheeks. 

It was war, he knew that much. What kind of war, he wasn’t certain, but he was there with Nerevar. But that only made it weirder--why was he having such a dream about a man he barely knew? Certain Nerevar was compassionate and stunningly gorgeous, but it felt wrong to be dreaming of such an intimate thing. 

He glanced at his side, noticing there was someone still beside him. Nerevar was sitting in a chair, still holding his hand, asleep while sitting upright. Guilt ran through him in an instant--Nerevar wasn’t even sleeping properly, instead staying like this to watch over Voryn after his delirious request. 

Voryn sat up himself with a groan, nudging Nerevar awake. Blue eyes fluttered open, staring down at him in the light of early dawn. 

“Voryn…?” He asked, sleepily, before yawning. “What do you need?” Nerevar still hadn’t let go of his hand. 

“You should sleep properly.” Voryn answered. 

“You asked me to stay.” Nerevar’s voice was still husky from sleep, a tone that made him shiver. 

“You don’t need to worry about me that much.” Voryn argued. While he was thankful Nerevar had saved him, picked him up from the streets and carried him home to tend to his injuries, that was already more than enough. There was no need to force himself to stay by Voryn’s side and neglect his own wellbeing. “I know it isn’t comfortable to sleep like that.”

“What if I don’t want to leave you alone?” Nerevar asked, something shining in his eyes Voryn could almost recognize, but he instead looked away before he did something stupid. 

“You should take care of yourself.” Voryn scoffed, trying to slide his hand out of Nerevar’s grasp. Nerevar took it again, still looking at him. 

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” Nerevar repeated, his voice a bit more firm. Voryn could almost hear the unspoken ‘again’ at the end of his sentence, despite it not making sense. 

“Why are you so stubborn…” Voryn hissed, before shifting his weight and groaning in pain.

“Lay back down.” Nerevar hushed him, helping ease him into a comfortable position on his side. After he did, Voryn grabbed his arm and held it firmly. 

“Go lay down yourself.” Nerevar glared slightly, a stubborn frown on his face. 

“Fine. After you go back to sleep.” Voryn glared back.

“You’re lying to me right now, aren’t you?” He grumbled, keeping his grip on his arm tight. “You’re going to stay here, and then when I wake up assure me you slept in your own bed properly when you didn’t, you lying little snake.” Nerevar tried to keep up the stubborn glare, but quickly faltered as he instead started laughing loudly, trying to muffle it with his hand as he all but doubled over onto the bed. 

“I-I’m not--” He spoke between laughs, before Voryn tugged on his sleeve a bit harder. 

“Sleep here then.” Perhaps it was too forward, but he couldn’t stand the sight of Nerevar not taking care of himself, especially not after such a terrifying dream. Nerevar stopped laughing at that, looking back at him with a look of surprise and something else Voryn couldn’t quite name. 

“Are you sure?” Nerevar asked, shifting closer to the bed. 

“If you insist on staying here you might as well lay down on something comfortable.” Voryn replied, looking away. “I refuse to have my benefactor sleeping while sitting upright.” 

It took much less prodding than Voryn had expected. Shortly after that Nerevar climbed in beside him, resting his head on the pillow with ease with his back to Voryn. Voryn was also surprised by how natural it felt to share a bed with someone--even when he was younger the matron never comforted him from nightmares that quickly faded from his mind but still left him trembling. He’d expected he’d find it uncomfortable as he did spending time with the rest of the worshipers. But with Nerevar… 

His arms moved on instinct, one slipping around Nerevar’s waist. The golden skinned elf seemed to enjoy the embrace, sighing happily and moving his hand down to hold Voryn’s, stroking his skin. 

“Sleep well, Voryn.” Nerevar murmured.

[saturns-space]

are you leaving? :(

yes i am, unfortunately this is the end of saturns-space! i have my own thoughts and opinions on this entire situation, and on the dream team as a whole, but regardless of what the outcome is i just can’t stay here any longer.

i am and have been too overly attached to the dteam. i rely far too heavily on them for my own happiness and it’s genuinely unhealthy. my own physical health has deteriorated astronomically over these past few days all because of what’s been happening, and it’s ludicrous that id let something like this affect me as bad as it has.

as much as it hurts me i believe it’s time i close this chapter of my life.

if you wanna find me, i’m rebranding to @thesaturndiary everywhere. thought it would be good to make a new account for a fresh start :) im leaving this account up, along with my others, as an archive for now. im still going to be posting art and doing other stuff!

thank you guys for everything 🫂🫶

[gothsuguru]

black is the color of my true love’s hair will never be topped. EVER. when i finished it i was disappointed it ended. i wish i could read it for the first time again. in fact im gonna reread it RN.

I’M CRYIDNFNDNDNDDNNDDN PLEASEEEEEEEE I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I GENUINELY FUCKING LOVE YOUUUUU 😭🩷 you’re all truly so kind AHHHHH hearing people say that they liked that fic… i kid you not the serotonin boost i get from it is ASTRONOMICAL it really does warm my heart that you enjoyed the story that much :’) i truly did try to show my ideal version of suguru & reader’s relationship dynamic in that fic (silly down bad devoted!reader x bad bitch morosexual nerd devoted!suguru… elite dynamic… two dorks in love…)

BUT don’t worry bestie :3 i have more suguru & reader in store… I’M WRITING THE PREQUEL RN! <333 (and i have lil drabbles planned that are adjacent to the story too hehe… toji meet & greet, sugusukusatoreader road trip, nsfw drabble of suguru sitting on reader’s face iykyk 👀, AND… maybe possibly… a sequel where suguru drops The Question…) CAN YOU TELL I ADORE THESE LIL CHARACTERS SO MUCH THEY’RE MY BELOVEDS!!!!!

AND DJDJDJDJDJ listen you and me both buddy i’m rereading it too to remember what the hell i wrote 😭 (for callback purposes ofc) i’m ngl though… i MAY rewrite the ending better a bit later i will say the one thing i disliked about the fic was the rushed ending and the ending lines… i was racing against the clock i was like 2 minutes away from valentine’s day being over so i was like girl… finish this RIGHT NOW!!!!! (so i may spruce it up later + make toji a real actor & not just an anime character hehe)

BUT AHHHHH please feel free to reread as many times as you like & if you ever want me to do lil drabbles about these dorks feel free to send something in! :D i promise i will give you new content of these Losers in Love soon enough (please pray that i get out of my writing rut omg… i HOPE i can get this fic out within this month!) BUT ANYWAYS DJDJDJJD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! thank you for being SO sweet & for showing my lil story some love it means the absolute WORLD to me :’) ILYSM!

^ as a treat… a hint for the prequel <3 truly The Dynamic between sugu & reader and sugu & sukie

[esorxy]

Reading ATYD Sirius POV after i saw this tiktok which was said "remus is barbie and sirius is ken" with the audio like "barbie has a good day everyday, but ken only has a good day if barbie looks at him" - and ive only read 20% so far but they could not be more correct!! Sirius is down so bad from the very beginning without even realising it

its actually quite good that i finished atyd months ago and can't really remember it because this is like rereading an old fanfiction without the bore of re-reading the same paragraphs.

and i can't really list out the highlights like i do with other fanfics (mostly jegulus) but it's just enjoyably well written with thorough developments for Sirius' characterisation and coming of age experience.

i was like 50k words in when i realised that atyd entails astronomical amounts of miscommunication which i hated the first time around. its too painfully canon... i missed when jegulus would solve everything. watching sirius and regulus' relationship fall apart so far was devastating, and i know sirius is the protagonist but like really, he totally could have still had his brother somewhat on his side. and i love regulus so that makes me sad and want to read jegulus fanfiction.

tldr; pros: so well written and developed, nostalgic; cons: miscommunication as a theme, canon = PAIN & SAD

generalised highlights

- Sirius being so annoyed at peter everyday lmfao

- the way he tried so hard to get through to remus

- i mentioned this last time that Sirius was such a sweet boyfriend to remus once they started dating, but from the very start, he was always considerate and protective of his more so than towards his other friends

- i love this author and i think it must have been fun writing this because the plot is set, and all the dialogue and chapters are set, but they still manage to come up with a full story and somewhat separate plots. I think this is an excellent example of "everyone is the main character of their own life." but secondly, they knew very well what they were doing. sirius was subconsciously head over heels for remus, and the omniscient reader (me) enjoys every second of it.

- sirius' thoughts towards mary so far are so funny i cant. hes like 'i should be feeling something but its just not happening'. boy is so confused. all her flirting and hes just *panics*. meanwhile remus puts a hand on his shoulder and hes like "ive never experienced something so good ever". oblivious gay awakening

~~~

i FORGOT this was the fic where sirius hit regulus with a bludger and gave him head trauma, and then sped all the way down to the ground to him. and IM DISTRAUGHT theres no comfort for regulus in canon. im going to have to read CR or OTB again after this...

the toast bit <3333 actually so adorable.

(edit: omg i FORGOT what the toast bit was so i had to ctrl f the whole fic to find it and omg it was sirius telling reggie that ghouls are afraid of toast so that he will sleep at night omg it IS cute. idk why i thought it would be sirius making moonys toast or something obviously wolfstar is not my cup of tea anymore)

sirius' life is just confusion, anger, confusion again, denial, convince me otherwise

~~~

- "actually, im always sirius" 🙄🙄🙄

- jily indifference club

- lowkey bored of wolfstar, sue me

- need to read MC regulus fics rn tbh

~~~

IM done!!!

final thoughts

- why was that so fucking sad

- Every fanfic author has a soft spot for regulus you can't convince me otherwise

-

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

my wife my life, i have ojv brainrot -- will you please go into crazy amount of detail about what the style boys look like to you in the ojv? what kind of outfits they like to wear? comfort sweaters/shirts? <3 also i love you i am waving $50s and shouting louder than everyone else to be noticed i'm the ride or die bi disaster ojc kenny of the irl

ASHFVGKKVHLJK MY DARLING WIFE HI AND FUCK YEAH!!!!! Helllll yes!!! Ok ok I’m bouta go *rm Jersey voice* AWF!! (This is gonna be so long im sorry)

So OrangeJuiceVerse style my BELOVEDS!!! Ohhhhh my god these two own my entire goddamn soul! And smh they’re so pretty in their own right!!!

OJV Stan… he is a fucking stereotypical DREAM MAN! Kyle is down astronomically bad. Like I’m talkin tall dark and handsome, total sweetheart, inherently boyish charm that just makes everyone adore him! His heart of gold and that deep melancholy he sometimes gets behind those sapphire eyes make him all the more alluring! So this is what our affable Everyman looks like to me:

He is TALL (hit his last growth spurt between sophomore and junior year), like tops off at a lil over 6’2 and is the second tallest of the ojverse Star Seven also he’s BUILT AS HELL?!? In high school his physique could be attributed to the myriad of physically demanding hobbies he cycled through (football in particular when he started dreaming of going pro rip to that) and work on Randy’s Fuckass Farm (fuck u randy). But when he’s older he gets softer, sure (best pillow ever) but keeps working out JUST so he can hold every animal ever like a BABY!!! If you want an approximate art reference of young adult OJV Stan, @bunytime ’s drawings on here for SURE! Like he is tall and strong and BUILT FOR HUGS!!!

Blue blue BLUE eyes like not scary stare into your soul but this soft deep shade that reminds you of calm waters and gemstones peeking from the depths of the shadows of his brows. Just gentle waves and clear dusk light.

Ojv Stan didn’t go through the ever popular bleached hair headcanon, most of my Stans didn’t, but this one bc on the brink of a SadSack episode he mentioned getting Kenny to pierce his ears and dye his hair and (this was before they were dating) Kyle was like NO!!! Bc he always loved Stan’s classic all american look and knows him well enough to know that he would’ve hated it a few days later.

DIMPLES!! TWO OF EM!! And his smile is SO sweet his whole face splits omg my sweet boy!!! And he has tiny, almost imperceptible random scars in various places from childhood tomfoolery, especially on his hands bc he sometimes rivals Kenny in recklessness, and those hands are so rough but so TENDER when they touch you and he’s so aware of his own size and inherent ruggedness that completely juxtaposes his personality and it’s so!!! (God forgive me I’m thinking about nsfw ojv style hcs now)

Aight so OJV Stan IS greasy to some extent, c’mon he’s very Boy, but (this is important) only when he’s having a rough time mentally. Like he’s one of those people where while his horrendous lack of style doesn’t change much, you can tell by the stubble and the gross hair when he’s not doing well. Uhhh later down the timeline he has a beard tho. The bear jokes definitely emerge.

And for his style choices ohhhhh my god this man CANNOT fuckin dress!!! I’m constantly putting ojverse Stan in my clothes bc WHAT is this guy doing wearing the “Bigfoot is real I made s’mores with him” shirt and he is GENUINELY confused when he can’t wear jeans to something formal. His socks are STUPID and GIMMICKY and never match, and his wallet has a million keychains HIS BACKPACK omg like every stereotypical veggie boy he has alll the vegan loser pins and patches. Animal activist Stan forever.

A very casual dresser tbh, t shirts and jeans, sweatpants, hoodies (that have mostly been confiscated by Kyle) like he truly sucks at clothes unless he’s going stupid abt a Halloween costume. He kinda relies on Ky to know what looks good on him irl, bc Kyle is VERY reactive when he’s dressed a certain way and Kyle climbing him= ah yes I look Not Disheveled right to jail for both of them.

Oh KYLE!!! From Stan’s pov??? OJV Stan is a huge fucking fantasy loser and he only knows the word “ethereal” bc he’s a nerd and it describes Kyle. On GOD OJV Kyle is so pretty!!! Like Stanley Down Bad Marsh is ENTHRALLED!!! Always, like since he knew what beauty was, beauty was Kyle.

Ojverse Kyle keeps his hair a little past his shoulders since like freshman year of high school, his HAIRRRRR lord those gorgeous red curls, Stan simply cannot get enough of them, that ponytail, the half bun, the little braids Marj used to do when she and Ky would hang solo… dear god Stan will not shut up about his beautiful elf kings hair. Like hair wise if u want a reference picture the homie @grimsbane ‘s long hair Kyle EXEPT

My guy, OJV Kyle is TINY. Not as short as Kenny and Tweek, but close and definitely skinny to the point where if he misses a meal EVERYONE is on his bony ass bc 1) diabetes and 2) they all know his past with eds and no one’s gonna let that shit get its claws on him again! Unfortunately, OJV Kyle has a really hard time gaining weight, but as an adult he’s fully recovered, just kinda slim and at risk of health problems from the damage he did, but he’s mostly ok.

Ky topped off at 5’7 and was the tallest of the m5 in 7th grade and then EVERYONE but Kenny surpassed him WHICH he was pissed abt for a while. But he kinda stopped caring once he and Stan got together bc Stan wasn’t thattt much taller at first (and then this mf got huge) but Kyle was… VERY INTO THAT! It’s so unserious bc when they’re older Kyle’s like dude just fuckin toss me around and Stan WILL NOT because he’s NERVOUS and also traumatized from the ONE time he reinjured Kyle’s bad knee during Super Best Spicy Time (yes that’s what his loser ass named the sex playlist) but when Ky gets in the mood he wants to be manhandled frfr (I will do a nsfw headcanon post prolly) like the SIZE DIFFERENCE kyle is so spicy 100% calls the shots out here climbin Staniel like a tree.

He’s pale as fuck, cannot tan at allll this dude will not go outside without sunscreen bc he IS Sheila’s son and had it drilled into him that they are pale redheads and uv rays are not their friend, BUT his freckles are faint and so prettttttyyyyy he doesn’t even hate them bc Stan loves them and Kyle loves Stan (losers) he’s got a little group of them on his left cheekbone that Stan INSISTS looks like a heart aaaaaaaaaa

Good lord those eyes. Like you look into them and you are LOST in the most beautiful woods you have ever SEEN!!! I’m serious his eyes look like a forest, green and threaded with occasional brown like tree trunks and they are MAGNETIC!!! He is POINTY too like his features are sharp but his eyes are comfortable and it’s just a beautiful balance.

I’m fully of the belief that this lil redhead is a CHRONIC CLOTHES STEALER!!! Sneaky lil fox like if he’s comfy at home he’s 100% wearing Stan’s lame ass “earth day 2013” hoodie or some shit BUT!!!

His actual clothing is VERY much hot professional dark academia vibes the sweaters, the reading glasses, that hair, like he’s so cute in his button ups and when he stops wearing cargo pants so much in college (man likes pockets change my mind) Stan is SALIVATING bc he can see the sbf’s lithe legs better and he wants to SNAG him smh down horrendous. Kyle wears a lotta green, bc we ginger losers know that’s our COLOR and he looks GORGEOUS in jewel tones what a PRETTY BOY!!! Favorite item of clothing is DEFINITELY Stan’s Peace Love Pine Trees hoodie!!!

They do have friendship (lovers) bracelets that Kenny made them btw

Ok I THINK that’s what I got for now on what they look like but lord knows I’ll probably be more insane later NINA MY BELOVED WIFE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS

[cometzz]

ok im also doing these ghost quartet asks except im answering all of them so you all have to see my opinions. thanks @wolf-tm

1. Favorite character

soldier or camera shop rose

2. Favorite timeline

hmmm stardust (idk if everyone calls it that - scheherazade's timeline) or usher. or camera shop. three-way tie

3. Favorite song

changes by the day but bad men/soldier & rose rn

4. Favorite performer?

gelsey <3 need her bad

5. Live album or recordrd album?

live. the recorded version makes me angry it takes away so much personality

6. How much of the plot do you think you understand?

all of it. or at least i fully understand my interpretation of it. but analyzing this for 2-odd years gives you a bit of knowledge i think

7. Least favorite song/song u skip most often

photograph. its a great song but i dont like listening to gelsey screams while walking my dogs or whatever

8. Favorite non-sung/spoken line?

pearls "and it's the LAST piano in the world and it's KEYS cut his fingers with every note he plays" monologue. or roses "FUCK ALL YOUR FUCKING BOOKS" rant

9. Favorite lyric

very difficult choice but "if i told you this was special / and that love is more than chemicals / it's me and you and angels too / and time will end and we'll transcend / and rise above the ash and dirt / and baby i could never hurt you, 'cause you are me" or "how many people has rose been? / rose is the same as anyone else"

10. Do you have any ships for the show? If so what are they?

soldierrose. they are so important to me

11. What's your favorite non-confirmed theory?

idk LOL

12. Have you produced any artwork/content for Ghost Quartet?

drew all of the roses one time and i've drawn a few gelseys but thats abt it

13. Which role would you most like to play?

rose <3 (or would you call the role 'brittain'?)

14. Which Usher song is your favorite?

usher iii no competition

15. The Starchild, Roxie, Rose, or Rose Red?

rose. her awkward loserness has endeared me

16. Subway or the Photograph?

subway no competition

17. Four Friends or Any Kind of Dead Person?

any kind of dead person. or specifically gelseys four friends verse LOL

18.  The Gelsey/Brittain dance in Monk or the Dave/Brittain dance in Midnight?

gelsey/brittain dance tho the dave/brittain dance makes me feel things too

19. The Astronomer or The Telescope

hm. the telescope. both are good though

20. Fathers & Sons, or Lights Out?

fathers & sons

21. Tango Dancer or Hero?

very hard choice but hero because i love Brittain Ashford Depression Solos

22. How did you first get into Ghost Quartet

after i got into great comet i saw a lot of people talking abt gq so i checked it out and now i am forever changed. i don't remember how i got into great comet though LOL

23. When did you first start listening?

2021

24. What's your favorite moment (musical or vocal) in the show?

that is such a difficult choice what the hell..... if i had to choose one itd be the overlapping parts in subway but. "you drove that train right through my HEAAAAARARRrtRTRTt" or gelseys audible disappointment on "staring at my phone." or "arabian nights?" "yeah :)" "alright." or gelseys four friends verse or literally any other bit in the show is an honorable mention

25. Are you going to/have u seen Ghost Quartet?

NO (peter griffin dead image)

26. What's your favorite bizarre connection in the show? (E.g., edgar telling the story of pearl and the pusher in usher pt 3, Shah Zaman becoming the Man In Iran in the Astronomer, etc)

hm. scheherazade telling the story of the camera shop

27. What moment would you love to see live/what moment did you love the most live?

i need to see any kind of dead person live i need to be the best damn tambourine player theyve ever seen

28. If you could ask Dave Malloy one question about the show, what would you ask?

why does rose tell roxie to cross over ???

29. Have you read either the fall of the house of usher or arabian nights?

nah

30. Have you read the show's Genius annotations? If so, what's your favorite annotation by Dave?

"i mean literally what the fuck gelsey bell"

31. What part of the show disturbs you the most?

not really anything but if i had to choose probably gelseys screaming in photograph

32. What part of the show confuses you the most?

nothing my brain is huge and wise

[mongreldyke]

ghost quartet asks because. yea. but not actually asks because im answering them anyway

1. Favorite character

        probably soldier or roxie!

2. Favorite timeline

        THATS SO HARD. soldier rose or the crossover of usher/subway timeline probably

3. Favorite song

        Bad Men!

4. Favorite performer?

         between gelsey and rose, gelsey can just do this the slightly offputting thing so well

5. Live album or recordrd album?

        live. duh.

6. How much of the plot do you think you understand?

        I've got it all at this point with my massive brain and the help of @cometzz, though i was never too interested in poe or arabian nights so i think a lot of the references flew over my head

7. Least favorite song/song u skip most often

       i don't really have a least favorite but. Maybe tango dancer? which is the only song that isnt entirely to my musical tastes but i ike it still

8. Favorite non-sung/spoken line?

Will you dance with me? ... Okay :/ Do you remember a time before we were just sisters? Do you remember anything else? No. Not yet. But I'm getting there.

9. Favorite lyric

      "I love the way you see the world, I love the way your soul sings, I wish that I could sing like you, I wish that I could feel things"

10. Do you have any ships for the show? If so what are they?

        SOLDIERROSE HANDSDOWN. a soldier with a death wish and a rose who is scheming. match made in purgatory

11. What's your favorite non-confirmed theory?

       erm... i dont actually know many of those. i think the soldier got the pot of honey from killing the bear but idk if that counts?

12. Have you produced any artwork/content for Ghost Quartet?

       working on a soldier and rose fic o7

13. Which role would you most like to play?

        Gelsey or Brent!

14. Which Usher song is your favorite?

        uhhgh thats so hard. i say usher 3 just because. the end

15. The Starchild, Roxie, Rose, or Rose Red?

         fuck! roxie, photgrapher!rose, or soldier!rose

16. Subway or the Photograph?

         subway hands down

17. Four Friends or Any Kind of Dead Person?

         fuck. uh any kind of dead person, only because brittain going "LIIIIOOONNNN" is so me

18.  The Gelsey/Brittain dance in Monk or the Dave/Brittain dance in Midnight?

          MONK????

19. The Astronomer or The Telescope

         the telescope its so good

20. Fathers & Sons, or Lights Out?

          Fathers & Sons music wise but lights out makes me so :(((

21. Tango Dancer or Hero?

          Hero :]

22. How did you first get into Ghost Quartet

         i got @cometzz into mabel and he was like YOUUUUU would like ghost quartet if you like mabel. and he was right

23. When did you first start listening?

        literally like two weeks ago? not very long ago the brainrot just gripped me immediately

24. What's your favorite moment (musical or vocal) in the show?

         the shrill scream-thing gelsey does in The Photograph

25. Are you going to/have u seen Ghost Quartet?

         no :( one day...

26. What's your favorite bizarre connection in the show? (E.g., edgar telling the story of pearl and the pusher in usher pt 3, Shah Zaman becoming the Man In Iran in the Astronomer, etc)

         i love shahzaman becoming the ghost seer a lot!

27. What moment would you love to see live/what moment did you love the most live?

         I really wanna see usher 3 honestly

28. If you could ask Dave Malloy one question about the show, what would you ask?

        i don't actually have any questions, i'm fine with my interpretation o7

29. Have you read either the fall of the house of usher or arabian nights?

    nope. might read them at some point though

30. Have you read the show's Genius annotations? If so, what's your favorite annotation by Dave?

       that one annotation in Bad Men about how one of the lines rose red screams at the astronomer is something from a breakup he had. i just think it'd be really funny to be the girl who broke up with dave malloy and then got your breakup argument put into a show about cycles and murdering your cheating boyfriend

31. What part of the show disturbs you the most?

        im used to a lot more disturbing stuff i didn't really get offput or anything

32. What part of the show confuses you the most?

not too much a this point! even the esoteric or obscure parts i'm like. okay with? i'm fine with it being vague and weird

[rotisserierosier]

2, 19, 24

2. lighter or matches?

personally my fingers can’t handle the thing on lighters (this sounds redundant because im literally learning guitar) so imma say matches even though i have honest to god never lit a match before.

19. imagine we're at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

if you’re fine with the most janky ass painted nails then absolutely,, i haven’t painted mine or anyone’s nails in like over a year but even when i used to paint mine it was so astronomically bad my dad literally has to paint mine once

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

i would make so many jokes about jumping that by the end of the day you’ll wanna jump just to get away from me,, i’d like to think we’d just have some fun chats and talk some shit it would be such a slay

[thouartachoochootrain]

Hate this stupid fucking sac of meat and problems they’re calling a “body”

My shoulder anytime I do anything keeps clicking like the fucking clicker zombies from the last of us and popping out of the socket?!?!?!? Been doing all the exercises to make it better which work for about 24 hours maybe and then it’s back to clicking and hurting

My sciatica is still around after THREE YEARS and my herniated disk that’s causing it is still cycling between almost unnoticeable to throbbing pain. Still can’t touch my toes or straighten my leg while sitting without feeling like a metal cable is tearing through me.

Apparently the reason I’ve been shitting blood and bloating and rushing to the bathroom 20 times a day is because if I consume more than like fucking 5 grams of protein at one time I’ll be doing all of the above for that entire 24 hour period plus a couple of recovery days. I’ve tried whey, whey isolate, casein, egg white protein, vegan protein. ALL OF IT does this. The blood is actually just from my internal hemorrhoids being irritated which are from what I’ve heard Basically Permanent🙃But is it JUST protein??? That would be kinda odd considering my diet over the years. Am I also lactose intolerant? Maybe????? Am I sensitive to vitamins???? Maybe????????? Is it sugar? Sugar alcohols? Etc etc etc etc WHOS TO FUCKING SAY

For some reason my metabolism is always going at 260% so to gain any weight I have to constantly eat and now the primary way I’ve used to gain more than a single pound turns out actually makes my organs melt. I don’t eat a FUCKING LOT so I’ve been relying on the calories provided by protein shakes which turns out are Poison to meeeeeeeeeee.

My fucking head is KILLING me today for some reason. It’s a headache I’ve had before. It’s very particular it comes out of now where and starts slow. It builds and builds like someone is blowing my skull up with a bike pump until I hurts so bad I wanna drill a hole into my skull. The pain currently is so astronomical it almost makes my vision fuzzy. It doesn’t happen often but now I know it has nothing to do with the fucking meds I was taking years ago or any other thing I thought it was caused by. Apparently every so often I just develop a headache so severe it makes me want to put my head under a hydraulic press FOR NO FUCKING REASON?????????!!?!?

I stopped all the protein supplements all together and my stomach isn’t getting worse I guess but isn’t much better, my shoulder is still a problem, I have to go to the bathroom again because I’m bloating, my head is about to split open, if I lean over my sciatica shoots a laser down my leg. IM TWBETY FUCKING THREE FOR FUCKS SAKE I WORKOUT I EAT WELL I STRETCH I DO ALL THE FUCKING BULLSHIT WHAT IS THIS HORSESHIT FUCKING CLOWN CAR CAVALCADE OF HEALTH ISSUES

FUCK